Supporting Grieving Children on Father’s Day

Photo by Biova Nakou

Father’s Day can be a difficult day for children whose dad has died. It can also be a distressing time for the people who are supporting children through this time, many of who are experiencing grief themselves. If you are concerned about how a bereaved child in your care will feel this upcoming Father’s Day there are ways in which you can support them.

Talk about Father’s Day

As adults, whether it be in our role as a parent, caregiver or teacher it is easy to enter protective mode in the weeks and days leading up to big events such as Father’s Day or birthdays of people who have died. It is important to acknowledge Father’s Day so that you can explore how to experience the day rather than simply trying to shield the child or young person in your care. Even if you tried to hide Father’s Day yourself there is no escaping it on TV, in shops, or from friends in school. By mentioning that the day is coming up you are telling a child that it is ok to talk about dad and enable feelings to be talked about openly. Powerful feelings may be triggered during this period and children need to know that their feelings of sadness, anxiety and anger are ok. You can help children by truly listening and being aware that their mood may change frequently around this time.

Ask Children what they would like to do

As you discuss Father’s Day with a child in your care it is important to let them have a voice. Being present and listening to their wishes will enable them to have the day that they want. Some children may want to spend the day alone to reflect and others will want an action-packed day that celebrates all things dad. It is important not to assume that a child will want to do certain things and they may not necessarily want to do the same thing as previous Father’s Days.

If you are a teacher planning a Father’s Day school activity ask the bereaved child if they want to take part rather than assuming they will want to complete a different activity. You can talk to the child about what to expect from the session and let them know what support is available, including the ability to be able to step out of class if needed.

Remembering Dad

There are lots of different activities that you can do to remember dad, either on the day itself or over a few days. Father’s Day activities could include:

• Making dad’s favourite meal for the whole family to eat

• Visiting a place where dad and child liked to go

• Taking a card they made at school to dad’s final resting place

• Dancing to dad’s favourite song

• Creating or adding to a memory box filled with items that remind children of dad

• Plant a flower for dad in the garden

• Take a walk in the park and blow bubbles of memories

• Write a letter to dad

• Spend time with family and friends and each talk about memories of the person who has died

Books

The Heart and the Bottle—exploring big emotions when a chair that was once occupied by a father is suddenly empty

The Invisible String—A gentle way of experiencing separation, loss and anxiety

One Wave at a Time—Join Kai on his journey through life after the loss of his dad

If you are concerned about your child and would like advice on bereavement support get in touch and we can chat about how I can help.